Considering conditional love: that thought of loving “If you love me back.”
We are commanded to love (Jn.15:17). We are also told that “loving” someone isn’t enough-we must love them from the heart, and with actions (1 Jn. 3:18-19). Or else we are not loving God (1 Jn. 4:20) or allowing God (who is in us) (who is love) to abide in us (1 Jn. 4:16).
Talk about a spiritual gauge. If I am struggling with love I am well below par.
Take that struggle within a marriage. To struggle with loving unconditionally one’s spouse-the one person I am to be committed to more than anyone or thing. My own flesh.
I am called to love an imperfect person who may not always love me back, act lovingly, or even be a lovely person.
Hmm-maybe we should trade out the traditional wedding vows for something more like this:
-Will you promise to- Love this person who may or may not act unloving and be, at times, very much an unlovely person-who may undermine or usurp your position?To respect and submit yourself to this person who may or may not be worthy of that respect-who may take advantage of your position?
-Will you vow to- Love, honor, and cherish this sinful, self-struggling, imperfect person who may or may not offer you the same love, honor or cherishing back? In strength and in weakness-be it physical, emotional, spiritual or even weakness of character…accepting all their flaws and their imperfect human status, becoming one flesh with them?Til death, and nothing else-your choice or theirs, do you part?
I DO.
So it isn’t romantic, or ideal. Maybe its not even reality for everyone, but I think it is real, not all of the time, hopefully not even most of the time, but real nonetheless.
I wonder how many people would get divorced if their wedding vows resembled this?!
If we made that decision would we be surprised by the unlovely moments of marriage (and they do exist!)? Would we be prepared to love our spouse 100%, no matter what percent they brought to the table?
What security would we have in that relationship, that marriage; when our spouse enters it knowing us to be weak, to be self-centered, knowing our struggles, flaws and imperfections yet commits to loving us and sharing a life with us, making a life with us anyway!
What gift could I offer of a love that is constant, based on me not on my spouse? Based on my choice, not on their actions or reciprocal love.
Wait a second-that sounds like God and how He loves us.
Ahh…lightbulb.
Marriage is to be an image, or reflection of Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:32).
But I am not called to produce God’s love myself. As if I could. God will produce the fruit of love within me as a natural byproduct of my closeness with Him (Gal. 5:22). God will love through me if I yield to the Holy Spirit. God’s love is inside of me because God is in me, if I abide in Him His love is perfected in me (1 Jn. 4:12).
How different could my marriage be if I let God love my spouse through me?
